Riciaz

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Ayo what's up. Been really a long while. My last post was Novemner last year? Oh man, guessed I really didn't feel like blogging since I'm addicted to watching dramas every now and then.

2012. Life's changed. ALOT. Now that I officially started work, not in the office or anyth close to that, I just woked to fill up my time. To say, they haven't paid me last month's pay. Moving on, so yeah I got two jobs since Feb. Worked like I'm some kind of machine. Not resting enough everyday.

Furthermore I've started school, and the amount of work and thinking that has to be done is crazy. It's difficult for me to handle 2 jobs and school, but no one really know how difficult, frustrated, tired I was. I was stressed out, for real. Guess that I have to rely on myself all the time. I didn't do my best, no I rephrase, I couldn't do my best for school because I kept working. I can't stop even I want to.

One of the jobs doesn't allow me to stop. And that's how I ended up flunking all my schoolwork.

Especially now it has come to the point that the class is separated into Communication Design (CD) & Visual Merchandising (VM), every part of it is weird. I don't know why, some people may find it this way or they don't think so. I just find that the lecturer's are so caught up in this new Visual Merchandising sub-course thing that they look down on us CD people. We're all still part of the big family of Visual Communication, so stop treating us so differently. We were all in the same class last year. Fair & square.

Just sincerely wish I can get this faster get over with and focus on my studies again.

3 years long course, I better make sure all these time staying back in Singapore is worth it.

Because I can't stand studying, if my father had allowed me to go overseas that time, I would have entered university by now. All my country friends are all overseas. Can't u feel the amount of pressure I have?

Because of all the things that has occurred, the stress I felt, cut my fringe away, and now it has turned into bangs.

Everything felt so irritable, I'm angry at myself but others angered me more.

Whatever it is, I'm trying my best.

Quite a fiery blogpost, its too bad you have to read this, since I can't vent my anger and disappointment anywhere else.

---- Guess that I haven't really finished what I wanna say, there's too much I wanna rant out.
Well today's supposingly Vesak Day, felt very bad since I didn't visit the temple even I had the chance to. Just stayed at home... and chant and light up candles. It's my first time lighting up a candle using the stove puahhaahaa. I never did knew how to handle a matchstick or lighter cuz by 2 seconds I feel the fire burning to my skin. And that is why I can't cook. I'm scared of fire, THAT'S IT.
Sigh I really don't know what to do for myself.

ANOTHER THING I WANNA HIGHLIGHT.
I. AM NOT. FAKING AN ACCENT.
Had a presentation on Monday, so when I ended it, the lecturer asked me if I had gone to school overseas before. Well the answer is NO. But yet since young I'm taught by American/British teachers. Lorna Whiston during playgroup (2-3 yrs), and afterwards I had special English class taught by this green-eyed Ameican male teacher in pre-school (3-4 yrs). I think I moved to Singapore when I was 5 or 6 yrs old.
Even my secondary school English teacher asked during oral rehearsal, if I had studied in America before, and said to me don't try to fake an accent if you don't know how.
During my DPA period, the teacher also told me that maybe you have your accent because you came from Indonesia. But I lived my life here in Singapore for more than 10 years all right.
I normally speak like that, even when I'm ordering food. It just comes out naturally. It's just that I speak differently to my friends because that is not how u go socializing here. Everyone speaks with a mixture of English, Chinese, Hokkien, whatever weird language there is to say.

I don't need to hide. COME ON, just accept THE WAY I AM.

REMEMBER THAT.

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